Thursday, September 18, 2008

Breaking News

The Running Golfer has decided to enter the US Presidential Race by endorsing a candidate. The date for said endorsement will be the 1st October 2008.

A little heads up to Barack Obama (a follower of The Running Golfer +10) and John McCain (not a follower of The Running Golfer -10). I`ll be watching your every move and my opinion is easily swayed. Economic policy, Foreign policy and the length of your arms will all play vital roles in my endorsement of a candidate.

The endorsement will be based on a scientific system, especially designed by The Running Golfer and his advisors, HM, EM and RQ. Unfortunately the subtleties of the system cannot be made public but rest assured, it is scientific and it is a system. A fair result is guaranteed. What I can divulge are certain aspects that will count more than others. The following are high scoring areas but beware misters Obama and McCain, it can lose you a lot of points too:
  1. Economic policy
  2. Policy on David Beckham
  3. Policy on Coke Zero
  4. Policy on Fake Tans
  5. Foreign policy
  6. African policy (acknowledging that Africa exists earns a big bonus)
  7. British or American version of the Office? (no incorrect answer, unless you don`t know either which will result in instant disqualification)

The following will lose you points:

  1. If you or anybody on your staff can see Russia from their porch
  2. Which MLB team you support (-10 if it is not the Red Sox)
  3. If you or anybody on your staff has ever ordered the killing of Polar Bears
  4. Which NFL team you support (-10 if it is not the Patriots - this is a trick question, patriotism should be the cornerstone of your campaign)
  5. If Tom Cruise endorses you
  6. Which English Premiership Football side you support (+20 if you said Man Utd, all other answers -10 and if you said Liverpool, instant disqualification)

The scale of loss depends on the weighting of the issue.

So there you have it. I will be watching CNN, CNBC and Bloomberg for any snippets that might mean make or break for my endorsement. I know this places massive pressure on you but only the strong will survive.

Good luck gentleman.


David Richardson said...

Ha! Ha! I'm sure both of these guys are just DYING to get your endorsement.

Good post, my friend.

Sorry, I forgot to email you with my personal opinions on the upcoming election. I will do so, later on this afternoon.


Francois said...

Lol David! Like I said, Obama is a reader of my blog! :)

Looking forward to the email.

Heather Nicole said...

Haha, Im just curious to see what YOUR policy on David Beckham is?

jenn3 said...

Haha. Have to agree with the Tom Cruise rule. Maybe I should read your site to decide how to vote.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

Francois said...

He he, Heather, ummmmm, I cannot divulge my policy on David Beckham (don`t want to give the candidates any info that will affect the "scientific system") but I will say this, my policy does include a restraining order against Victoria Beckham...

Jess, thanks for the visit! I thoroughly enjoyed your Shiloh stories the other day, very cute!
With regards the elections, I will reveal my endorsement on the 1st Oct. I know Barack Obama has set aside time at 02:00 in the morning to see the results but my insiders say John McCain needs his sleep. Oh well, somebody will probably wake him to give him the good / bad news.

Francois said...

Oh yes! And the rise and faaaaaall of Tom Cruise is a post all on it`s own.

Kevin Davis said...

You've laid out some good criteria for endorsing a candidate.

However - your last criteria is completely un-fair for an American to answer - none of us (at least the ones I know) have any clue what Man Utd is or what the other options are. This sounds like our cricket conversation.

Francois said...

Aaaah but Kevin, therein lies the beauty. It falls within the Foreign Policy!

Manchester United is the biggest soccer club in the world. David Beckham became a star there and spent almost 10 years at Old Trafford (United`s home). I`ll be sure to post a history on Man Utd soon enough. As for cricket, that might take a bit longer to explain! Just see it as our version of baseball!